Breastfeeding Guest Post

Today I have a guest post at my friend Dionna's blog, Code Name: Mama.  She is currently running a series call The Joys of Breastfeeding a Toddler. Each posting she shares a story from a different mom about their experiences- big and small, wonderful and endearing, about breastfeeding their toddler(s).

While I am no longer breastfeeding a toddler (it's been about 8 months since then) I have continued to experience the joys of a toddler, and now preschooler, comforted by and in love with my boobs.  Even now, while Kellan is nursing, he wants to have a small part of the action. They have become more of a fascination and a "band-aid" for those moments of physical and emotional pain but, he says he still needs them.  And I still love that he does.

Visit Code Name: Mama to read my story about this picture and a particularly funny dream. I'll say one thing, I definitely know I've created a boob man!

I also suggest sticking around to read some of the back posts on this wonderful series and seeing what Code Name: Mama is all about!

Mama's Milk Goes Public

It's not quite our debut of breastfeeding in public, Kellan and me, but it's the first time I've thought of taking a picture of it.  We went to the library yesterday with Everett and Erik so I had Erik take this pic on his phone. Yay to public breastfeeding!!

And while I'm not nursing both anymore, cuddly moments are definitely full of "na-nas" for both boys...

Kids Yoga Activities: Bean Bag Toss

A little like the carnival game, this game gives children who like ball sports a chance to shine. Everett loves anything that involves throwing so this quickly became one of his favorite activities in yoga class.

To do this yoga activity, you will need a few bean bags or beanie baby animals a string/pole, and several pictures of yoga poses or yoga cards.**

Scatter the pictures or cards on the ground, several inches apart. Place the string or pole a few feet in front of the pictures, where your child will stand to throw the beanies.

Explain to him that he will try to toss the beanies on to the yoga cards. Pick up the cards that a beanie landed on, or if need be, pick up the ones that a beanie landed near by.

Bring these cards to your mat and take turns saying the name of the pose and trying it out a couple times. No need to correct your child if their pose doesn't look like the card (or your own pose for that matter).  At this point, yoga is helping your child to develop body awareness not perfect yoga poses. 


**I don't currently have yoga cards so I created several of my own by Googling "yoga poses" and copying pictures from websites maintained for public use. I pasted them into Powerpoint, 4 to a page and printed them off.

You can find yoga cards or a yoga activity book that has pictures of poses at Spiraling Hearts.

The Challenges of Communicating Needs and Emotions

My post was featured in the Gentle Discipline Fair!
Visit BabyDustDiaries.com to see the monthly fairs and other great Gentle Discipline resources.

Over the last couple Mondays, I have been sharing my new and not-so-new experience with evaluating what I need from Everett, how to engage his cooperation in meeting those needs and maintaining a harmonious relationship through those requests. In creating my list of requests, there was a specific event that brought to my attention the increasing difficulty but true value in talking about my feelings and I’d like to share that with you now. 

I appreciate the method of communicating emotions because it familiarizes Everett with how our emotions are influenced by the actions of others and our own actions.  This has grown tricky, however, because I don't want Everett to feel like he is making me feel a certain way.  I teach him that people don't make us feel something; we have a choice in how we feel and how we express those feelings. I, therefore, have to choose my words carefully when I am trying to explain how I feel so that he doesn't feel blamed for those feelings. 

It was particularly challenging yesterday afternoon when I was telling Everett for the second time that day to stop hitting me with toys. He wasn't intending on hurting me, he was excited about drumming his tinker toy sticks on things and turned to drum them on me. I think that he was afraid of getting in trouble so he took off running to hide under the ottoman in the den (moments later calling me the mommy monster and pleading to dad for help). 

This is a new development, running away from me and hiding underneath things, and because I don't use time out and don't want to threaten, I'm not really sure what to do in these situations. I did end up in a way threatening him after I told him that he now had couch time (time in) and said it would be longer if he didn't get out from the ottoman right away.  Needless to say, he did get out, but the situation escalated, as did both of our emotions, before we ended up on the couch. 

During that time, I struggled to discuss my feelings with him. I wanted to convey that I was angry that he ran away from me because I think it is important that he knows people can become angry when he makes certain choices. However, I didn't want to attach that to hitting me with the sticks; if it would have ended there it would have simply been a firm reminder that it hurts and redirecting to something he can drum on. I talked to him about the fact that I was angry and we talked about what he could do differently to avoid couch time and time out for his tinker toys. I wasn't entirely satisfied with it because I knew he didn't wholly understand why I was angry. 

I wasn't even sure why I was angry. It takes time to process my feelings sometimes, especially in new situations like these. Later I understood that I wanted him to know that I was angry because I need to be listened to. Not because I'm the mom or any other type of authority figure, but because everyone needs and wants to be listened to. 

So this was a huge learning experience. I went over it in my head again and again trying to figure out how to handle this new situation better next time it comes up, as I'm sure it will.  I have a deeper appreciation for discussing my feelings when requesting something of Everett. It gives me the chance to be present to my own feelings and needs.  It teaches him that I have needs, just like he does. As he grows, it will give him a chance to evaluate his own needs and how they are connected to his emotions. My communication, therefore, will model for him how to appropriately express those needs and emotions.    

As a parent, what situations have come up that have challenged you in the matter of communicating your emotions?

What methods have you found helpful in teaching or modeling for your child how to express emotions appropriately?

What methods have you found helpful in teaching or modeling for your child how to request their needs be met?

Kellan's Birth Story

Kellan was born at 3:00 in the afternoon on Wednesday, April 28th after a long and gentle prodromal labor and a quick, manageable active labor. I couldn't have asked for a better birth experience.

Throughout the weekend I was experiencing changes that led me to believe he was on his way. By Monday, I was losing my mucus plug and cramping. Three in the morning on Tuesday, mild contractions began.  We expected the activity to pick up from there, but instead I spent a lovely day with my family. I rested and ate a lot, took a little walk with Erik and Everett on his tricycle, splurged on frozen custard, and took a long nap.

I spent some special time alone, journaling and creating a medicine (prayer) bundle. In it I included:

• tobacco, which is a native american tradition of honoring ancestors
• an amethyst stone to stay grounded in the moment and in my body, 
• a white flower to symbolize my cervix opening like its blossoming petals and the full moon, 
• lavender to keep me calm and trusting, 
• 3 bird feathers to give my baby wings and set him free
• splashes of holy water given to me by my grandma, to symbolize the connection of the water of my womb to the water of the Earth, the water that provides life for all things. 
• a piece of orange cloth to symbolize the transformational energy of fire centered at my sacral chakra, that I would know my own power through birth
• wrapped in green cloth in connection to Mother Earth

I said a little prayer to the great Mother, my angels and spirit guides to be with me through this experience. I buried the bundle under my mom's river birch tree and quietly invited my baby to keep coming stronger with each contraction.

About six in the evening, contractions stepped up in strength, though still mild, at 10 minutes apart. Again, we expected progress would be consistent from there on out so we started calling a few close friends and extended family members who wanted to know when labor began. My sister, Kristyna, came over to the house while my youngest sister, Simone, made plans to drive home from Columbia late that night after her musical rehearsal.

By 6:30 in the morning little had changed. Contractions had intensified enough to wake me up every 15-30 minutes, but I still felt really well rested from the night. After breakfast, I got dressed and put on the birthing necklace my immediate family and girl friends made me at my Mother Blessing. Each woman had contributed a bead to represent their presence and prayers with me through birth.

Erik, Everett and I  went on a walk to see if I could get things moving. Contractions changed, growing milder but closer together. My intuition told me this was from the walk, not actual labor and at the end of our walk when I talked to my midwife, she confirmed that. We talked on the phone for quite a while, as always, (she's so easy to talk to, I just love her because of that), and while labor was slow she planned on sticking around the house for the day.

Sitting on the front steps the morning felt so refreshing and full of potential. The garden beneath our plum tree was beckoning, so I squatted down and dug in to weed a little bit. It felt wonderful to be digging in the earth and doing something easy with my hands. By 9:00 contractions started becoming uncomfortable and moved closer together, about 6-8 minutes apart. I hunkered down inside to enjoy everyone's company. My mom had called into work, Simone had come down from bed and she had to leave at 10 to make it back to school on time for class.

Over the next couple hours labor progressed steadily. With every contraction I visualized my baby moving down, pushing my cervix wide open. My dad came home from work to help Erik prepare the birthing tub. Erik and I talked with Kristyna and her boyfriend, and made sandwiches for lunch. I walked around pausing for each contraction so Erik could put a little pressure on my back. As contractions grew stronger I wanted some privacy. So we called my midwife to update her on the progress and went upstairs to our room.

As I walked around our room laboring and eating lunch, I was struck by the naturalness of my situation.  Here I was in the middle of my home, surrounded by people I know and love moving on about their day (my parents were even running errands at the time) in a way that almost felt uneventful.  I thought of all the other women around the world having babies on that same day, and every day. I thought of all the women who weren't having babies that could be when I was not. How strange, what the US has done with childbirth.  How very strange to take something that should be so normal and turn it into a completely unnatural medical procedure by isolating us in hospitals, plugging us into machines and delivering our babies while strapped to a bed . How proud I felt then to have chosen a different path with Kellan, and in some ways, with Everett, too.

By the time I had finished lunch, contractions had moved to 3-4 minutes apart, I was beginning to vocalize the growing pain, and I was hoping to move into the tub soon. Erik called the midwife again and she suggested the shower on my back just in case I wasn't far enough along for the tub (get in too early and labor can slow down) but decided to come over, sensing things had picked up more than it seemed. It was a good things she followed that instinct, because labor really sped up from there.  One moment I'm eating lunch, then next I'm in the shower with hot water soothing my back and managing well the 1 1/2 minute long contractions. We were probably downstairs in the shower for about an hour before I was in the middle of transition, laboring on the toilet, legs shaking and vocalizing loudly.  My mom mentioned transition and I couldn't believe it had come so fast, but I sensed that I was in it. I remembered the tired feeling in my legs and the intensity was getting harder to handle.  

I stayed focused and centered. I closed my eyes and allowed my body to weigh upon Erik through each contraction. My mom and Erik began with words of encouragement as the intensity increased and when the my midwife arrived she guided me into strongly breathing through each contraction instead of vocalizing. She called it "getting ferocious" and though I didn't think I'd be able to do it, I dug deep, knowing it would be more productive. From there until it was time to push I breathed through almost every contraction.

Immediately upon arriving and realizing I was in transition, my midwife had everyone but Erik start filling the birthing tub with hot water so I could move upstairs. Merely to lighten the situation, the hot water heater decided to wimp out after putting all it's effort into that hot shower.  My midwife swears she wouldn't have had me in there if she was there and knew I was so close but, hey, we made it work. My family got busy with a tea kettle, a coffee maker and big pots of water on the stove to heat up.

Once in the tub, I moved on to all fours, but held the edge of the tub and Erik's hands.  I rested my head against the edge, eyes closed, swayed my hips and moved my legs around as Erik soothed me.  He repeated over and over like a mantra, "Open wide for the baby, get huge for the baby. " I focused on his words, felt my the weight of my birthing necklace on my neck, and turned inward for strength. I continued visualizing my cervix opening, my body and baby working together to bring him closer and closer to me.  I definitely had fleeting thoughts of "I don't want to do this anymore!" and wished there was someone to ask when it would be over, but mostly I felt strong and motivated to keep going.

Kristyna and my midwife kept cool washcloths on my forehead, Erik continued to soothe me, and my mom took pictures and fed me fruit popsicle. An hour quickly passed by and I was ready to push at 2:36 pm. My midwife checked me to make sure the cervix was completely open and we were ready to go. Pushing felt soooo good. I still kept my eyes closed during contractions and focused intently, but was super aware of what everyone was saying. I wished I could see it all from their perspective.

I worked with my midwife's guidance. I breathed hard and heavy through the contraction, grunting deeply as I pushed.  I slowed my breath, relishing in the moments of rest. I felt so connected to my body, surrendering and riding the waves, as they say.  I was able to push slowly and gently, feeling his head move down and out, holding it still in between contractions as he crowned. I reached down a few times to feel the top of his head as it emerged.  With each push I thought, "I know I can do this, just a few more pushes!"

Once his head was out, we could hear him making little gurgling noises and I felt him kicking inside me. My midwife check for the umbilical cord around his neck and found a hand against his jaw instead. As I pushed the rest of him out she maneuvered his arm out with his head.  His body squeezed out quickly and he cried until he was latched on to my breast 20 minutes later . I turned to sit on my bottom, pulling his little purple body to my chest.  My midwife made sure no one said what gender he was so I could see for myself. I was exhausted and relieved that it was over and he was snuggled in my arms.  All I could say was "Oh, my baby, my baby,"  but when I saw that he was a boy, all I thought was, "Holy crap, God gave me another boy!"

We recovered in the water, and I delivered the afterbirth shortly after he began breastfeeding. Daddy cut the cord while Kellan was latched on and was the first one to snuggle him while I  cleaned up. Once we were in bed, my midwife examined and weighed him. He was 8lbs 14 oz. and 20 1/2" long (actually measured on the 3rd day check up).  I never understood the excitement over big babies until then. Everett was over 1 lb 10 oz smaller and I had one hell of a time pushing him out.  I didn't think I'd ever create, let alone birth a baby nearly 9 lbs in size. Then here I was looking at my nearly 9 lb boy, after pushing him out through a gentle birth at home with no tears and no problems. I was so proud.

Evaluating What We Need from our Children, Part 2

Last Monday, I talked about an idea from the book How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk about evaluating what we insist our children do through out the day. Insisting on too much can waste energy and create stress and negativity in our relationship with our children.


The authors suggest creating a list for the morning, afternoon and evening of what we need or ask of them. Within the last week, I have been compiling my list and evaluating it. The book says,


"Whether your list is long or short, whether your expectations are realistic or unrealistic, each item on that list represents our time, your energy and contains all the ingredients necessary for a battle of wills."


In creating my list, I wrote down literally everything I asked of him and how I asked it throughout the day. Then I looked at the reasoning behind the requests. I was proud that the intentions behind most of my lists were based on what is important to me. There was not a lot of frivolous requests or demands that just picked a fight. And I was proud that most of the time, those requests were met with cooperation after asking them once to a few times.


Cutting Down My List


I was still surprised at how many things I need of Everett each day.  Operating on the philosophy that the fewer requests I make of him the greater our chances of a harmonious relationship I looked to cutting down my list.  The authors don't ask you to do this, but I suggest considering it. I have found that it's important to know what my priorities are and limit my requests to those most important needs.

I derived from my original list a list of what seem to be my most important needs. I will keep them in mind as I go through my days asking my needs to be met so I don't go too far off track. I also recognize that these priorities may change, so as with everything in parenting it will be a work in progress.

While I wasn't able to eliminate very many of my requests from the original, there were a few and they happened to be in the category of requests that were met with more resistance than cooperation. One in particular was my reaction to Everett grabbing the spatula off the counter and trying to flip a pancake that wasn't ready to be flipped, thus making a big sloppy mess instead of a pancake. The situation is a perfect example of one in which I stressed out thus stressing us both out with my reaction to something that wasn't that important.

My immediate reaction was, "Everett!! Stop! Give me the spatula. The pancake wasn't ready!" He, of course, got very upset and as I tried to take the spatula (I know, the worst idea, right? I'm ashamed to even admit I tried to take it) he yanked harder at it and cried. I quickly scooted him out of the kitchen in frustration.

In my mind I was thinking of the few pancakes made for his dad (who won't eat from the rest of the pancakes that have banana) and the one less he had now. This is my own issue, not Everett's. What I might have done differently may sound more like this, "Oh, buddy. That pancake wasn't ready to flip.  That was dad's pancake.  Let's clean up this mess and you can help flip the others when they are ready." A much happier child and a much happier mommy might have resulted.  My husband would be okay with just pieces of that pancake.

Methods to Employ for More Cooperation

I observed the rest of my list for how I asked things of Everett.  I have found before that how I ask is especially important. I already try to avoid using a lot of "Do this" Do NOT do this" "Stop that." Framing my requests in a positive light, or even as something fun like a game, has often been met with cooperation. The authors also offer five skills they have found helpful in engaging cooperation.

1.     Describe. Describe what you see, or describe the problem.

2.     Give information.

3.     Say it with a word.

4.     Talk about your feelings.

5.     Write a note. 

Not every skill may work for you, and not every skill may work for the age of your child. The authors explain that what they do, however,  is "create a climate of respect in which the spirit of cooperation can begin to grow." 

Previous to reading this book, I was already in the habit of describing, giving information and talking about feelings.  I love the second method of giving information because even as a toddler I felt that Everett better responded to my requests if he understood why I was asking it of him. I feel like it respects him as a person who is capable of understanding the logic behind the request/action.  I see that same respect is extended to me when he follows a request without the reasoning.

One of my most important needs is cleanliness of our home. I ask Everett to clean up after himself, whether it be toys he's gotten out or a bowl he is finished eating out of. Requesting clean up using the method of giving information may sound like this:

"Everett, when you are finished eating I would like you to bring your bowl to the sink to help keep your table clean. That way you can play on it easily later." 

Regularly, this simple method has rendered lots of cooperation without a lot of energy.  Now that Everett is older I've noticed that simply describing something works well, also. Yesterday when I he finished eating and left the table instead of giving information all I did was ask the question, "Everett, where does your bowl go?" or say "Your bowl is still at the table" and because he already knew what we do, he did it right away.

The Next Steps

As parenting goes, my list of needs or priorities is a work in progress. It will be constantly changing, especially as Everett and Kellan grow older.  I will need to re-evaluate what is important to me and continue to keep that in mind as I make requests of the boys. My goal is to keep my requests clear and simple, positive and fun, in hopes that we will continue to have a fairly stress-free relationship in which we all feel our needs are met and respected. And, yes, I know the hardest of this is yet to come!

In creating my list, there was a specific event that brought to my attention the increasing difficulty but true value in talking about my feelings. I have decided to write another post about this little event, so tune in for this post next week. 

Kids in the Kitchen: Wholesome Quesadillas

Quesadillas are a tasty favorite of kids everywhere. I've taken direction from Jessica Sienfeld's cookbook and turned the traditional flour tortilla and cheese recipe into a much more wholesome one. There is no fooling anyone with these and you may want to play with the ratio of cheese to veggie puree to please your family but they are pretty tasty! Even my meat & potatoes husband likes them.

Wholesome Quesadillas

4 whole wheat tortillas
1 cup cooked chicken, shredded or chopped
1/2 cup pinto beans, drained and rinsed
1 cup cheddar cheese, shredded
1/2 cup butternut squash or sweet potato puree
chili powder to taste
salt to taste

Everett and I measure and mix together the cheese, veggie puree, chili powder and salt. You can either leave the beans whole or mash/puree them. If choosing to mash/puree them, we combine beans with cheese mixture.

Next, we lay out the tortillas and spread half the cheese mixture on each. Everett tops the cheese with chicken chunks and, if we didn't puree them, the beans. We top them with the other two tortillas.

We cook them in one of two ways, Sometimes we lay them on a cookie sheet and bake them at 400 degrees til cheese is melted and tortillas are crispy.  Sometimes I cook them on a skillet coated with non-stick cooking spray until cheese is melted and tortillas are crispy.  Everett helps cut them with a pizza cutter and we serve them with a side of salsa, sour cream and/or avocado slices, and make it a meal with slices of sweet bell peppers or corn.










A Taste of the Wholesome You Get in This Meal

Sweet Potatoes provide more than twice the daily recommended amount of  Vitamin A in the form of beta-carotene, and a hearty punch of Vitamin C. Both of these act as antioxidants fighting cancer causing free radicals and both fight inflammation that is linked to arthritis and asthma. Sweet potatoes are also a great source of dietary fiber and a variety of minerals.

Butternut squash, much like sweet potatoes in terms of nutrition, also pack a hearty punch of vitamins A and C, potassium and fiber. They promote brain health as a good source of folate and omega-3 fatty acids.

Pinto Beans are fiber all starts. Just a cup of pinto beans serves up almost 60% of the daily recommended amount! Fiber reduces cholesterol and keeps you feeling fuller for longer by maintaining blood sugar levels.  They also provide at least 25% of the daily recommended amounts of iron and protein. Iron is an important part of hemaglobin which transports oxygen through the blood and is an integral part of energy production and metabolism.

Everett's Birth Story

This is the first part in a three-part series in which I will share each of my son's birth stories and then share why I chose a different birth experience for Kellan's birth and what I did to create that.

This is Everett's birth story, written out shortly after his birth in 2007. 

Eleven days before due, on Sunday March 11, 2007 at 3:30 in the morning, I woke up to my water leaking. I called my mom but decided to go back to bed and call the midwives later that morning. I called about 8:30 and had random, but very minor contractions. The midwife told me to call at 3:30 that afternoon to see how things had progressed. I had a baby shower at my mom-in-law's that day. I had a great time and shocked everyone that came with the news of my water breaking. Everyone thought I should be in the hospital, but I assured them I had hours to go. And I did.  By 3:30, not much had changed, even after taking a walk to get things moving.

When I called again, the midwife told us to get some rest, be in bed by 7:30, and checking into the hospital after midnight. My husband, Erik, and I headed down to spend the rest of early labor at my mom and dad's house, five minutes away from the hospital.  About 11:30 that night, I was woken up by a cluster of contractions and new that it was soon time to head to the hospital.  They were all still irregular and manageable, but I didn’t know how long that would last. 

We got everything and everyone together and headed to the hospital to check in, arriving about 12:30 AM on March 12.  My mom, dad, and two sisters were with us. Once we got to the room everything was a rush.  For about an hour I had nurses going through paperwork, hooking us up to monitors to check on how we were doing, reviewing my birth plan, etc. It was a little overwhelming, and definitely new to me. I had never stayed in the hospital before then.  I was only at 4 cm, and at that point, my contractions were still fairly random and manageable. We thought we were in for a long night of waiting.

However, as soon as my family had settled down in another room to get some sleep, my contractions picked up intensely.  My sister, Kristyna, and husband supported me as I started active labor and back labor. I was experiencing back pain like I had never felt. That was the last time I simply breathed through a contraction. The rest of the night only got louder.  I labored in many positions, on all fours on the bed, at first. Kristyna was in charge of the fetal monitor, and every 30 minutes she jellied up my belly and listen for the baby's heart beat. I was shaking all over and couldn’t stop. Already I was getting tired and wondering when it was going to come time to push!

My mom came in shortly after the hard labor had begun and from that point on, I was attended to by all three of them all night. They were an incredible team. I couldn’t have done it without them. The nurse came and checked me at 6 cm, then after laboring some in the bathtub, she checked me again to update the midwife. I was at 7 cm and the midwife decided to head over to the hospital. I moved from the bed, to the toilet, to the bathtub, again, on all fours. My sister, Simone, came in to take pictures and video tape the rest of labor and birth.

Because my back pain was so intense,Erik, my mom, and Kristyna were applying constant pressure to my back, pushing my hips together. I hardly ever opened my eyes, knowing the visual stimulation would be too much. They talked me through each contraction, telling me that it would be ok, that I was doing a great job. Erik and my mom would lean into my ear and tell me how beautiful and strong I was. 

I moved to the exercise ball after the midwife got to the hospital.  My contractions intensified further and with each one, the back pain seemed worse. At some point, it was confirmed that the baby was posterior and the midwife helped us get the baby to flip over but the back pain never subsided. My contractions came in threes with a small break in between each cluster. The first was always the worst; I would yell with the pain and roll around on the ball. My mom and midwife would remind me to keep my voice low and guttural.  I was surprised at the deep, primal noises that were coming from me.  Erik or my mom would be at my back, the other at my side or in front of me, holding my hands. Erik got out my affirmation cards and said a couple to keep me focused. I couldn’t talk, but I said inside as he repeated, “I inhale strength, I exhale resistance.” 

The midwife tried to relieve some of the pain by using a technique based on acupuncture. She placed four small drops of sterile water just under my skin at the base of my spine. It was supposed to burn like a wasp sting with each drop, so she timed it with a contraction.  The contraction was so intense, I hardly felt the needle and the pain never subsided. I just had to keep pushing through it. 

Shortly afterward, I started feeling like pushing so I was checked again and found to be 9 cm. In order to shorten the time (possibly by an hour and half) I had to lie on the bed almost completely on my stomach as the midwife pushed me open to 10 cm. This was the hardest and worst part of labor for me. I have never felt pain like that before.  I wanted to stop, to give up and so badly I just wanted to rest. This was probably the hardest part for everyone that was watching, but our family kept supporting me, kept me going and got me through it.

Finally it was time to push!! I remember thinking, “This is the part that feels good!!” I read in so many birth stories that it felt so relieving, if not good to push the baby out. I didn’t know what was in store for me. I pushed for 3 hours through the back labor. At the time, I had no idea how long it lasted.  I started pushing in the tub, in hopes of a water birth. The suite wasn’t the usual birthing suites because those were under construction, so the tub was much smaller. Looking back, I don’t feel it was suitable for water birth.  We were in the tub for a good 2 hours and 15 minutes.  Everyone crowded into the bathroom- me, my husband, the midwife, my mom and sisters.  The nurse would move in when she needed. My mom-in-law, brother and dad all checked in with the family at some point to see how I was progressing.

While in the tub, I leaned back and pulled up my legs, then squatted and even tried to sit in butterfly. The midwife and everyone in there was as supportive as they could be.  Someone would try to apply pressure to my back, they kept cold cloths on my head, and Erik continued saying one of my affirmations, “You’re going to be huge!” They all continued to praise me and say “one more good push!” Despite their great support, I felt very lonely realizing I was the one doing the hardest work, no one else could do it for me.  I also felt motivated to work harder. I could feel the top of your head with my hand. It was so soft.  I remember thinking that I had just a couple more pushes to go and that I just had to do it.

It was hard to time the pushing with a contraction while the back labor lasted. I would feel back pain after the contraction stopped and continue pushing. I lost a lot of energy pushing when I didn’t need to be. The midwife finally suggested moving to the bed to get into a more open position. It was as if she read my mind, and I was so relieved inside that she said it because I was so exhausted I could hardly get out a word of agreement. I hobbled to the bed and immediately got on all fours. It wasn’t rational thinking that brought me there, it was pure instinct. I just knew this was how to get the baby out.

From there, it took only 45 more minutes of pushing. I would bury my head and everyone cheered me on.  Erik and my mom were at my sides, my sisters had front row seats at the foot of the bed, and my mom-in-law was to the side. As the baby was crowning, Erik got ready to catch him but didn’t get to because the midwife had to help wriggle his head out.  I felt the baby move inside me as I pushed, and the others said he was moving his head back and forth. I couldn't see much from my position, but I could feel the different parts being pulled out of me.  I looked down as he was just about out and my eyes were caught by the bright red and blue veins in his umbilical cord. It never struck me before what it would look like as it was working and I thought it was amazing. It was so cool to see part of the organ that brought him nourishment throughout pregnancy.  He was finally born at 8:32 am on Monday, March 12, 2007. He weighed 7 lbs, 4 oz. and measured 19 1/2 inches long. 

My mom told me that my sisters' mouths dropped open and their eyes grew huge as I pushed him out.  My mom-in-law saw their faces and had to move over to watch.  She told me later that as the baby was pushed out Erik lit up from inside and exclaimed “It’s a boy!” to everyone. I wish I would have been able to see that.  The midwife handed him to Erik so I could turn around to hold him on my belly. 

Together, Erik and I just drank him up with our eyes. I didn’t know what to say, which is rare.  I just couldn’t believe that this tiny human being in my arms was just seconds ago, inside of me.  I was awestruck and fully realized the miracle of birth. I don’t remember what everyone else was doing after Everett was put on my chest, I was consumed by my son. When the blood vessels inside his cord had drained, the midwife clamped and Erik cut him free. 

Evaluating What We Need from our Children

I've been reading (mostly skimming, actually) the book How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish for ideas on furthering healthy and effective communication with Everett. I know this book in particular, and others by Faber and Mazlish, come highly recommended but I found a lot of it is information or techniques I already know and use.

I do like their ideas, and one in particular about evaluating what we need from our children. I think it is very valuable to continually check in with ourselves, asking this question: What do I need from my children every day?  To get dressed in the morning? To treat each other with respect? To do the dishes after dinner?
Looking at these expectations gives us the opportunity to assess where our energy is going and what effect these expectations are having on our relationship with our children.

If you are constantly feeling sapped of energy or fight with your child to get almost anything done, I suggest taking a hard look at what you are needing from that child. As a mother of a three year old, I could easily spend loads of energy trying to get him dressed every morning. He's hit the stage where I can asks something as simple as this and instead of the usual compliance, I meet a lot of goofing around and being silly or flat out "I DON'T WANT TO! I'M MAD!" because he was in the middle of some very important playing.

Instead of making things hard for the both of us, I change what I need from him. If we're not going anywhere and he wants to just hang out in his jammies (or naked!) I let him. If we are going somewhere, I allow ample time and most often leave it to him.  I say, Everett, I need you to pick out an outfit and get dressed so that we can go to the grocery store." And then I just leave to take care of the next thing to get ready.

The authors suggest making a list of what you need your children do in the morning, afternoon and evening; then make one for what you make sure your children don't do.  In beginning my list, I found it repetitive to consider both aspects, but it may depend on how specific you get.

Over the next week I will be recording everything I find myself asking of Everett, and then compiling my own list. I will share this list next week along with my evaluation and tips from the book for gaining cooperation from our children and perhaps some of my own tips.

I'd like to read what sort of things you expect from your child. 


If you choose to create your own list, did you end up with more or less on your list than you would have predicted? 


Can you see how it may be effecting your own energy or influencing your relationship with your child?

Kids Yoga Activities: Choo-choo and Darth Vader Breaths

Both of this weeks breathing exercises aim to introduce your child to more of a yoga breath. One that is purposeful, deep, and complete.  Choo-choo breaths are appropriate for toddlers and 3-6 year olds, while Darth Vader breaths are more appropriate for the older child.

Choo-choo Breaths

Sit on the floor in staff pose. Extend your legs in front of you, feet together, and sit up with a tall spine, pulling in your belly. Hold your arms out in front of you, palms face in, above your legs. As you begin breathing, take a deep inhale that inflates your chest and belly. Make several small exhaling puffs with a "ch" sound in front. It naturally sounds like a little "choo-choo" noise when put together. As you breathe, move hands in small circles, keeping palms face in, like the steel bars rotating over a trains moving wheels. Add in some movement with the legs, bending the knees up and down to the rhythm of your breaths.

Darth Vader Breaths

Sit in a comfortable position on the floor.  Lengthen your spine and pull in your belly. Either hold a hand held mirror or bring a hand up in front of your face. Take a deep inhale through the nose that inflates your chest and belly. Exhale through the mouth to fog up the mirror or pretend to "fog up" your hand, making a sound like Darth Vader's breath. The back of the throat closes slightly to create this sound and introduces your child to the throat restriction needed for deep yoga breathing, particularly used in pranayama.


You can easily use these breathing exercises before another yoga game or activity.  Encourage your child to use the same breaths when holding a yoga pose.  Or outside of yoga, encourage the use of  these breaths to channel sad or angry emotions.

End your yoga practice by bringing hands together at heart center and saying this affirmation together,

"When I breathe my body is calm. I can feel peace come into me." 

Thoughts on my Babymoon

Babymoon.
Who came up with that?
It implies magical bliss... mother so in love
she is all googely eyes, blubbering
over her new baby, like a
romantic love affair.

But its not all like that.
First day is always more of a shock
to the system... body has just
acted on it's own primal accord to
birth beautiful babe into the world.
I am shaky, exhausted, amazed.

By the day after I am feeling better already. And
when I look at Kellan, I am thinking,
This is my baby boy! I have a baby boy again!
Excitement starts to trickle in as the
shock begins to fade.

Then it is bedtime, on that second day,
and I am spending special time with my Everett.
Kellan has been fed and is
sleeping in daddy's arms while
I read to Everett and snuggle.
His day is so full and he is so exhausted
that after books he says one sentence
and falls alseep.
I spend the next half hour
staring at him in the fading light
and balling my eyes out.  I am both grieving
for the days of just us I am saying good-bye to,
and saying thank you to Everett for such a joy filled three years.
For being my first.
I am both afraid that he will no longer need me
and afraid I won't be there when he does need me.

The breastfeeding roller coaster ride begins.
Ah, the first sweet moment. Seeing my little one
instinctively move to my breast and latch on in 20 minutes.
How does he know?
Next few days we are finding our rhythm.
He is latching on well, nursing constantly, and mama
milk comes in quickly.

My nipples also feel like they are being bitten off with every latch.

But I know this time, with second baby, that

they will heal in a matter of days and then it will

mostly be just the bliss.

One night of constant feeding moves into
three nights of full bellies and hours of sleep.
Thank you, Kellan.
The intimacy is tempting me, I am quickly falling in love.

It is hard for me to be isolated
to my bed, to my chair, upstairs.
People visit for a few minutes, my
husband busy taking care of 4 people including
himself, hasn't much time to talk.
Hard to hear the activity below.
Hard to hear someone else parenting
my son.
Hard to hear the mess being made in the play room,
toys dumped on the floor by Everett and his cousin, knowing
it will be ignored.
Hardest to listen to the birds, the lawn mower, the
kids playing in the yard, and just
sitting in the sunlight. I cry wanting
to be outside.

But then I look down, at my breast
is my new son. He is drinking himself
into a milky haze a
and then dreaming... of mama mik?
His face moves in and out of expressions:
smiles, pouts, frowns, yawns.
I remember watching Everett do the same
thing. I love watching this. And
despite the isolation, the ansy feelings to get
up and moving, the interrupted sleep, and the breasts
still healing, I am loving this.
Because Kellan is all that this is about.
Just him and me, now. Our time.

Babymoon just became a babymoon,
googley eyes and all.

Ideas for Homemade Time Capsules for Baby's First Birthday

Today I would like to welcome Dionna, who has written a guest post on creating time capsules for a baby's first birthday. Dionna is a lawyer turned work at home mama, and she’s one of those crunchy liberals her parents warned her about. You can normally find Dionna on Code Name: Mama, where she shares information, resources, and her thoughts on natural parenting and life with a toddler. I have published a series of guest posts there on the many benefits of kids' yoga at home and beyond. When you're done here, go check them out: The Benefits of Kids' Yoga, Kids' Yoga in Schools and Specialized Treaments, and Bringing Yoga Into Your Home.

A few weeks ago, I shared that my husband and I have been procrastinating on the creation of a time capsule for our son. We intended to have it done by Kieran's first birthday. He will be 29 months old next week. Oops! We kicked it into high gear and are almost finished with the time capsule. We still have to collect letters from a few family members and burn a CD of songs, but otherwise we are done. It took me some time to come up with decent ideas, so I've gathered the best of the best together to help the next parent. Enjoy, and please add your own ideas in the comments!

Items to Include

In compiling items for the capsule, we wanted a mixture of sentimental, historical, and fun.

Sentimental

• Personal Letters: Solicit letters from family and close friends. You can suggest that they share a memory or two of their time with your child so far, their visions/hopes for his/her future, a few fun predictions, etc.

• Copy of your family tree.

• Birth: Your birth story, baby's first hat/booties, a copy of baby's first footprints, etc.

• Photographs: Include copies of special pictures from baby's first year (pictures with family, especially older family members, pictures with baby "playmates," etc.).

• Personal Recordings: Like letters, but with sound and/or image. Grab a video camera or tape recorder and ask family members to record something for the future.

• Memories of Baby: Did you have a special bedtime book or blanket? A coming home outfit or a baby bracelet? Find something that you won't want to grab later (for graduation maybe) and store it gently.

Historical

• Elections/Politics: Kieran's first year included Obama's election, and as Obama volunteers we have plenty of memorabilia. I am proud beyond words that pieces of President Obama's campaign will be in the time capsule. Even if your baby isn't born during a presidential election year, that's no reason you can't get out (to vote!) and find memorabilia from other local or state elections. Also think about campaign flyers/videos, magazines (Time usually has something good), bumper stickers, key chains, etc.

• Sports: 2008 brought KU its 3rd Men's Basketball National Championship. In honor of Kieran's Kansas heritage (both Tom and I were born and raised there), we got the Sports Illustrated from April 2008. The cover of the SI is the now famous "Mario's Miracle" image. You could include anything that strikes your fancy. Other sports items to consider: a magazine's "year in review" issue, ticket stubs from your child's first game, a bobble head of a popular player, a sports schedule from your hometown team, an autographed picture, unopened packs of trading cards, etc.

• Music: Burn a CD of songs that were popular in the first year of your child's life. Be sure to include songs from every genre - you never know what she will connect to twenty years from now. We are also making our CD sentimental by including songs that are special to us as parents.

• Money: Include a few low value bills and a variety of coins from the year your child was born.

Fun

• Internet Fads: Google "internet fads" with the year of your baby's birth and you will find plenty of sites dedicated to gathering everything that went viral. I'm thinking of phenomenons like "Charlie bit my finger," the "Star Wars Kid," or "The Landlord" (NSFW!).

• Pop Culture Fads: Leggings, big sunglasses, silly hats, chunky bracelets, strange stuffed animals, popular toys - there are funny fads every year, find one that's small enough to fit in your container and include a picture or two of family members (or celebrities) flaunting the fad.

• Popular Products: It's not the best idea to include food or drink in your time capsule, but you could include pictures of or (clean) packaging from your favorite treats. Make a list of things you use regularly with their current prices.

Enclosing and Protecting Your Time Capsule

The advice on how to store time capsules is fairly universal: don't bury it. Keep it inside in something bug/waterproof. We decided on a small popcorn tin sealed with packing tape. Your container choice will depend largely on how much you're putting in it and how long you want to store it. We want ours to last until Kieran's 21st birthday, so it needs to be pretty solid. If we were only saving it five years, a Rubbermaid container in a bug-free area of your house might work.

Store all paper items in their own individual 100% polyethylene bags, place coins and computer equipment in something to keep them safe. The Minnesota Historical Society has made this PDF available, it has the down and dirty on keeping your things nice and clean over the years.

Have Fun!

No matter when you decide to open it and what you include, the time capsule will be thrilling to open for everyone involved. Have fun with it!

If you do create a time capsule for your child and blog about it, please include a link in the comments so we can see the finished product!